Turning inner space into outer space

February 10, 2011

Medicinal mania

OK, I give in. Marijuana is actually good for your health. If you’re in pain, you should be able to get a prescription for the drug from your doctor. If you’re on a health plan at work, your employer should pay for it.

The same holds true for alcohol, coffee and chocolate.

Research has linked alcohol to longevity, because it apparently decreases the chances of blood-clotting and makes for a healthier heart, according to Canadian Living magazine. Alcohol has also been found to decrease the risk of Alzheimer’s disease by as much as 75 per cent.

Well, who wouldn’t want a healthier heart? Get a prescription, nip down to the liquor store and take home your free booze. Just don’t be making up stories to your physician to get that prescription. And don’t get drunk. It’s absolutely not about getting drunk — not even tipsy.

As for coffee, researchers have really hit the jackpot. According to WebMD, coffee drinkers are less likely to have type 2 diabetes, Parkinson’s disease, and dementia. They have fewer cases of certain cancers, heart rhythm problems, and strokes. If that’s not worth a prescription for free coffee at Starbuck’s, then what is?

Better still, the government should nationalize Tim Hortons and make coffee available free to everyone on demand. The health benefits would far outweigh the costs.

And finally we have chocolate. Not only is it delicious, but it contains antioxidants that protect the body from aging caused by free radicals, which can cause damage that leads to heart disease. So says It also has flavonoids, which help relax blood pressure through the production of nitric oxide, and balance certain hormones in the body. Don’t we all deserve extra antioxidants and flavinoids?

Anyway, the possibilities for chocolate are endless. Don’t even bother with doctors or prescriptions or health plans. The government should mandate chocolate vending machines in every public place. Free, of course. And if you enjoy it, well, we can’t stop you. But you really shouldn’t. This medicinal chocolate, so eat it seriously.